10. Secret Chocolate
One of the most important weapons in your sanity-saving tool kit is getting one over your kids. They think they’re in charge. And most of the time they probably are. But there is nothing quite like telling them ‘no, sorry, there’s no chocolate’ and then once they’ve gone to bed, retrieving your Galaxy from underneath their most hated vegetable in the fridge where they’ll never look and savouring every mouthful alone.
Not too much. Just a couple* to help you relax and take the edge of things. (*bottles)
Get as much as you can whenever you can. It’s the same attitude you had about sex before you had kids. The little ones won’t mind putting the rubbish out for you and locking up once they’ve fed the cat and turned off all the plugs.
If you haven’t got a job that involves leaving the children, then make one up. Preferably one that involves top-level meetings which coincide with their bedtime so you get out of it.
6. Maintaining Standards
5. Keeping Active
Them. Not you. After-school marathon running or weekend hiking courses. Wear them out.
You don’t want them to be behind, do you? So make information technology a high priority by sticking the telly on, handing over the iPad and permitting three-hours of DS time as soon as they come in from school.
3. Answering Every Question With The Phrase “It’s under my left armpit”
They’ll soon get the hang of not asking you anything so you can get on with reading that magazine.
2. Achieving Zen Through Ear Plugs
Simply whack ‘em in and bingo, you’re in nirvana.
1. Daddy Time
Ah, yes, the importance of father-child bonding can never be underestimated. According to experts I’ve just made up, this is best achieved on a Saturday and Sunday morning with your bedroom door shut.
Mums Like Us by Laura Kemp is published by Arrow at £6.99
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